Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K...

Time, as Wikipedia defines it, is "one of the fundamental and universal aspects of LOL FAGOTS U SUCK DICKS." Personally, I reject this common concept of time in favor of one that allows for paradox-free time travel. Since time has been proven to be a relative construct of the human experience, I see absolutely no problem with changing the fundamental nature of time to facilitate personal gain. I'm assuming that you're familiar with Ray Bradbury's short story "A Sound of Thunder" because you're reading my blog, which is one of the most high-brow forums of literary discourse aside from Youtube video comments. So, I plan on getting legislation passed that will outlaw all forms of time-travel paradox. Daylight Savings Time seems to work every year, so I'm going to assume that it is possible to control the nature of time itself via Congress. A quick check over on Wikipedia confirms this statement, because I just wrote it in. Anyways, once these damn paradoxes are outlawed, the stage is set for unlimited time travel shenanigans. I'll simply travel back in time and give myself a spare time machine, thus inventing time travel in the present. For $20 at carnival booths, you can go back to 1938 and get a neat photo with Adolph himself. For another $5, you can get a souvenier keychain of you and your new pal. Or how about settng up time tours a la "Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure." Clones of George Carlin would whisk you and your friends through time in a phone booth so you can kidnap and traumatize history's greatest figures. If ever there was a way to make mad cash, it's through the grossly irresponsible exploitation of the greatest technology on the planet. Like the Internet.

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